Interviewing older relatives about the dishes they cook

The most useful interviews about family dishes happen in the kitchen, with an older relative cooking while you listen, ask and take notes. The kitchen triggers memory in a way a sitting room rarely does, and the relative can point to a jar, a spoon or a pan that prompts the next detail. A notebook alone rarely captures a family recipe, because the most important information is often in the things the cook does without thinking about them. Preparing a few open questions and recording both the stories and the actual amounts gives the conversation a clear shape.

Plan the conversation as a shared project rather than a quiz. Your relative may be proud of the dish, nervous about getting details wrong or tired of answering the same questions. Let them set the pace, allow time for stories and be ready to return for a second session if the first one runs long. Respect any answer they do not want to give, and accept that some memories will be incomplete, especially for dishes they have not cooked in many years.

Preparing questions before the conversation

Good questions are specific and open-ended. Instead of asking "Do you have a recipe for stew?" ask "What do you make when someone in the family is sick?" or "Who taught you to make this, and how did they tell you when it was ready?" Ask about the dish's history: where it was first cooked, what occasions it marked and who usually made it. Then move to the practical questions, such as which ingredients were essential, which were optional and what the cook does when a key ingredient is missing.

Prepare a short list of prompts, but keep it flexible. Include questions about the senses, such as what the dish smells like while it cooks, what sound the pan makes and what the finished dish should look like. Ask the relative to use their own words for the steps, and write down phrases such as "until it smells nutty" or "a good handful" exactly as they say them, because those words often carry meaning the family will want to keep. If you already have an old card or a half-finished note, bring it along so the relative can correct or expand it.

Choosing the setting and format

The kitchen is the best place for most interviews, especially if the relative is willing to cook the dish while you watch. If that is not possible, sit together at a table where you can look at a photograph of the dish or an old card, and arrange a later visit to cook it. Keep sessions to 30 to 60 minutes, since long conversations tire older people and can make details harder to recall. Choose a quiet time without interruptions and a space that is comfortable and well lit.

Ask permission before you record anything. An audio recording can capture stories and asides that a notebook would miss, but the relative should know how the recording will be used and who will have access to it. Photographs of the cooking process are also helpful, provided the relative agrees and no one else appears in the frame without their consent. Bring a notebook and a pen as a backup, since recording devices can fail and not every conversation needs one.

Recording the method as it happens

When your relative cooks, ask them to narrate what they are doing. Watch for the moments when they measure by feel, such as adding "a splash" of liquid, and ask them to show you how big that splash is. A common method is to pour the same ingredient into a measuring cup or weigh it on a scale, then record the result. If the recipe uses a particular pan or utensil, note its size and material, and photograph the pan if that helps the next cook recognize it.

Record the timings and the signs that tell the cook when a stage is complete. Ask how long the dish is simmered or baked, and how they know when it is done. The answers often include smells, sounds and textures, such as "when the edges pull away from the pan" or "when the onions turn the color of honey." Write these cues beside the steps, not in a separate section, so that a future cook sees them at the moment they need them.

Checking the details together

Read the notes back to your relative before the session ends, and ask them to confirm each quantity and step. Check the points that are most likely to be wrong, such as the order of ingredients, the oven temperature and whether an ingredient is added at the start or the end. Ask what would happen if an ingredient were left out or changed, since this often reveals which elements are essential to the dish and which are flexible.

Ask about variations. Many families have several versions of the same dish, one from each cook who shared it, and a relative may remember how it differed in another household. Record each variation as its own note, with the name of the person who made it if the relative is happy for that to be shared. Be careful with dietary details: if the dish was adapted for a relative with a medical diet, note the adaptation and suggest that anyone following a similar diet check the changes with their doctor or dietitian before relying on them.

Keeping the record and the relationship

After the interview, type up the notes while the conversation is fresh. Give the relative a copy of the written recipe and ask them to check it, since mistakes are easier to catch on paper than in memory. Store the audio files and photographs with the date and the relative's name, and keep them in a safe place with a backup. Confirm who may see or use the material before sharing it beyond the immediate family.

Thank your relative for their time, and share the finished result with them. Many older people value seeing their recipe in print or on a screen, and a copy of the book or card they helped create is often treasured. Keep the conversation open for future sessions, since a second interview often brings back memories that the first one missed. The relationship that makes the recipe possible is worth as much as the recipe itself.